I smell stomach acid.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
