A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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