My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
