fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize