in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
