hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
