im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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