I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
