just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
