I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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