remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
