party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
