Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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