if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
