I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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