He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
