Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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