What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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