He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
