I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
