You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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