so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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