I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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