i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
