that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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