I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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