Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
