omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
wow bdsm is so cute
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
