You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
