my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
