I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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