You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
