its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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