I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
