pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize