i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
