It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have so many feelings about this burrito
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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