I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
