Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
