So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
