stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
