Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
do nipples grow back?
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