thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
