Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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