please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
