Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
