Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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