A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
