Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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