R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
