Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
