I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
