And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
All the doctor said was why
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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