whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize