She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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