Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
