If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
