and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
