I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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