Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
