Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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