and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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