I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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