I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Boobs are out for the taking
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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