After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
