I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
